meme; awkward sex

[metropolising]

 

ᴀᴡᴋᴡᴀʀᴅ xǝs

1) first time - first times are just plain awkward. what goes where and when? nothing can really prepare you for what it's like. good luck! 2) whiskey dick! - so you thought that drunken hookup would be fun but now the equipment won't work or you're too sloppy to function. it might be time to call it a night. awkward. 3) snore fest - it's been a long day and you're just tired or maybe you're bored, either way you can't seem to keep your eyes open, sex can be pretty awkward when you're falling asleep in the middle. 4) this isn't working - try as you might, this doesn't feel sexy or awesome. it's just not working for you at all. now can you work up the courage to say something or are you going to lay back, think of england and hope the other person notices. awkward. 5) that does not go there - exactly what it sounds like: wrong hole, bad touch, whatever. you're doing it wrong.  or maybe you're extra ticklish. and that touch right there makes you laugh. whoops. awkward. 6) position mishap - most people are not acrobats, they aren't as flexible or graceful as they want to be. all sorts of things can happen, falling off the bed, falling down, tripping over yourself, getting tangled up. porn always makes it look easy. 7) ouch! opps! - this might go a little with the option above but injuries do happen. pulling a hamstring, muscle cramps, a smack to, well, anywhere can result in a bloody nose, several bruises, or even a black eye. awkward. 8) coitus interruptus - whether you're somewhere pretty private and someone walks in or you're trying the public sex thing and someone spies you doing the nasty, you just got BUSTED. awkward. 9) broken toys - handcuffs won't unlock, ropes too tight, or that toy won't stop vibrating or maybe it needs new batteries right when things are getting good. 10) gross - so awkward bodily functions happen sometimes. you know, like farts or realizing you gotta go mid-whatever, sometimes these things happen. 11) too soon! - whoops, even just a little something, something felt so good that you got a little too excited and.... well you know. 12) free for all - there's so much more awkward to be had. think of your own.